The natives of the Blood Drenched Isles are sure to be on the lookout for one as succulent as you. Beware them. They will sauté you with the demonic dragon peppers and belly fat and sauce of the soy.
1 tbsp fat of bovine injustice
1 pound pork chops, cubed
3 strips bacon
1 tsp Stevia in the raw
1.5 tbls soy sauce
In a pan melt the butter
Slice and dice the bacon with your +5 keen shears
When bacon is nearly complete, add pork, soy sauce and Stevia
When long pig is nearly done throw the jalapeños on the fire. Stir until it is done and consume with a goblet of long pig blood. Or diet coke.