Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The Apocalyptik War of the Macros.


Yeah don't do this
We have all been lied to. There are some assholes out there that will tell you EAT UNLIMITED FAT, EAT ALL YOU CAN!! CALORIES DON'T MATTER! These people are either evil or stupid.
Of course calories matter. If you eat too many, you'll gain weight, no matter if you're eating -500 carbs a day. Keto is not magic. LCHF does not allow you to break the second law of thermodynamics. Maggot, are you so arrogant that you thought you could?

So, what is true?
Let's take a look. Give it a whirl.

Keep carbs below 20. You know that.
Protein: .8 to 1 times your lean body weight in grams.
Fat: These will make up the rest of your calories.

BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO GOOGLE OR FIGURE OUT HOW MANY CALORIES I CAN HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT!!
Well, here.
I know what some people are saying. "YOU SAID HIGH FAT! YOU SHOULD CALL THIS LOW FAT BLAH BLAH BLAH BULLSHIT BULLSHIT!" Die in hellfire.
80-100g of fat is not fucking low fat, its pretty fucking high fat, so fuck off.
By all means, cook your eggs in butter. But add some egg whites in there. If you're low on protein for the day, have a goddamn protein shake. You've earned it, kid.

So, let's see.

Eat:
Meat.
Don't be afraid of the lean cuts. Chicken breast and tilapia may be a total bro foods, but eat it. Eat it cooked in a tablespoon of butter, or fuck it, wrap it in bacon.

Cheese.
Choose lower fat, higher protein options that are 0 to 1 carb. They are out there. Look for them.

Eat your fucking vegetables. Use olive oil on them. Like a tablespoon. Fuck.
"Oh I don't like vegetables." Fuck you, what are you five? Nobody gives a fuck.

Watch your calories. Watch your carbs. Hit your protein goal. If you're eating your calorie limit, you'll get the correct amount of fat. The rest of it will come from your fat ass. Get it? Got it? Great.
HERE'S ANOTHER PIE CHART!

 Follow this.
It works.
For Keto'nor.
Oh, looks like Atkins was right the entire time