The Knowledge Gained During my Exile

I have been exiled from the gates of Ketogazar.

I have given in to the sugary delights of the poison minded Serpentfolk of Uthcanan, and bacame Gornaeth, and betrayed my brethren and beliefs. I knew better. 

I knew better. 

But I didn't listen. 

I thought I knew better. That I could conquer the Serpentfolk from outside the walls. I was wrong.

The false sway of fitting cake into my macros, where it should have been pork or beef, or even chicken.

The false sway of low fat and low protein being the way of weight control.

The false sway of anything other than the demonic teachings of the scribes and sages of Ketogazar led me down a path of doom. And here I sit. Pounds heavier. Joints hurting. Lethargic.

But no longer!

Hear me Glebruzu and citizens of Ketogazar! I have returned! I am back from my exile! I have escaped the clutches of the Serpentfolk and am no longer Gornaeth!

It is time to bask in the light of the flames of argent urgency and glorious flesh.

Meat is back on the menu, and it is time to heal my body, soul, and mind.

The scribe Deliar has given me a scroll with instructions on how to reachieve my place within these hallowed walls.

I will share it with you, brothers and sisters, for to become Gornarth is a fate worse than death.

1. Deal with the issues you have that make you seek solace in food.
2. Cut out any drink that has calories. Any.
3. Weigh and Track everything you put in your mouth for at least two weeks straight.
4. Intermittent Fasting works wonders with food control.

Deliar reminded me of where I had been, of what I was accomplishing. And here we are.

I have now stepped back into this city of hope, the hordes outside wailing in frustration and lethargic agony.

Let's stay this time, defended by these walls. The library is open. Let us read our fill of knowledge. Let us be equipped with the strongest bodies and minds possible for the upcoming war. The war against the Serpentfolks of Uthcanan.

A war in which we will be victorious! To glory and riches!

The Return

Its time to come back into the kitchen. Armed with experience, age, and knowledge, we are able to conquer the Gornaeth and their serpentine masters. Join me. Join us. Let us take back the kitchen.

Turkey Meatza of Blackest Fowlness

Crimson sunlight streams through black clouds, illuminating the faces of the Gornaeth, the ones who have succumbed to the temptations of the Serpentfolk of Uthcanan. The citizens of Ketogazar must stand vigilant against the Serpentfolk of Uthcanan, or else it is their doom. The Gornaeth become twisted, bloated, snot and pus constantly pour out of their nose and leak from their eyes. They have become everything they have ever feared. 

To combat this, the meatza must be consumed in haste. Fear not, citizen of Ketogazar, for it is easy to grow. 

Reagents:

1/2 pound of lean turkey
1/4 cup pasta sauce
Whatever toppings you like
An oven

Ritual:

Heat the hellforge to 400

Take the meat. Beat the meat.
Once the meat is beat, shape it into a thin circle. Think burger.
Cook 15 minutes.
Take out.
Add sauce and toppings. 

Put back in hellforge
Cook another 15-20 minutes.
Consume

The Aborted Raptor Bake

It has been said that there is no better way of starting the day than bathing in the blood of your enemies, eating a plate of eggs and lean meat.

Reagents:
8 eggs
1 pound of 96% lean ground beef
1 Jalapeño

The Ritual:
Preheat your incinerator to 350
Spray a baking a dish with a blast of unholy lube, butter flavor of you have it. Pam works in a pinch
Brown your beef in a pan.
Drain any fat.
Put beef in baking dish with eggs and jalapeños.
Add your spices.
Stir.
Bake for 20 minutes or until done.
Consume.

Return of the Hate Eternal

Filling Peppers with Nocturnal Hellfire

Ingredientsss:
6 Greenbell peppers of unholiness
2 pounds ground beef
1 can diced tomato
2 jalapeno peppers, chopped in the ritual of Gal'takor
Garlic
Red Pepper Flakes to taste
Italian seasoning because fuck it
Sea salt
Shredded cheese
1 12oz box of mushdooms
A tablespoon of butter makes the medicine go down

What you do:
Preheat your incinerator to 350
Brown the meat
Add the jalapenos and mushrooms
Add can of tomatoes
Spice it up
Cut the tops off of the peppers
Tear out their guts
Put some cheese in the bottom
Spoon the beef into the green peppers
Top with cheese
Bake for 30-45 minutes
Consume.

Cthonic Chicken of Cosmic Grimness.

INGREDIENTSSS:
A Package of Chicken Legs.
Bacon strips in a corresponding number to the amount of chicken legs in said container of Chicken legs \m/
Broccoli
Cream Cheese
Pepperjack cheese.
Garlic,  salt, pepper,  grimness.

THE RITUAL
Preheat your hellbox to 400.
Take your blade and slit back the plastic of the cthonic chicken legs.
Put them in a baking pan.
Pour on whatever spices you like.
Put a strip of bacon on each one.
Put it in the oven for about an hour. You want the bone to show at the bottom.
Take your broccoli.
Make sure they are in florets.
Shake some garlic powder, salt, pepper on them.
Add cream cheese. Stir it around like a big glop of permafrost.
Put the pepperjack on top.
When there is 30 minutes left for the chicken,  but it in your incinerating hellbox.
Thank ye Belial for now we feast.